Hello, bonjour, hola, and all that jazz,
As you can probably tell I’m gonna talk about my dealings with anxiety. I’ve moved out, and bought a flat, so considering im only 21 it’s been quite a lot to deal with. It’s fair to say the last few months have led me to deal with levels of anxiety I don’t think ive experienced before this and who better to share them with than a bunch of random people- love ya.
I have always been a bit of an emotional person, but a few years ago it got to the point where nearly every day something would upset me. It was like i was crying over spilt milk and it got to the stage that I didn’t really know what was going on in my head and that scared me so I dealt with it in the best way possible with plenty of panic attacks. (fab)
Along with the endless panic attacks and shakes I sucked it up and went to the doctors, thinking they would just say I’m pathetic. They told me I had bad anxiety and recommended a telephone therapist company I could talk to when necessary. I’m gonna be honest, they were bloody useless. The last thing I want to do when I’m mid panic attack is call a random stranger and explain my entire life story, so its fair to say I didn’t go ahead with that option. One thing that really frustrates me in the world of mental health is that although there is plenty of awareness of it, not enough is done in order to help someone feel better. Doctors just think take some pills or talk a bit and you’ll feel better but it never works as easy as that. I wont get into it now because it’s a whole other blog post, but at the end of the day you may feel better after getting if off your chest, but that’s not to say the fear of overwhelming thoughts will not go away. I have written more about this side of things in my blog post about the death of Chester Bennington, from Linkin Park.
I generally am the type of person to worry and over think and over stress, but sometimes I go too far into my little head and I shut down, body, mind and soul combined. Almost to the point where I am numb and all the overwhelming emotion is propelled into streams of tears because I have no idea what else I can do. You’ve heard of fight or flight, well there is also a third option cry, cry and cry some more.
It’s no ones fault but there have been situations that haven’t helped, I’m not going to go into it but after dealing with certain things which were then followed by me being stranded in Thailand,there was a period of pretty shit-ness to say the least. Anxiety is a behaviour that you learn over time from encountering multiple life issues and events, and you eventually learn to be a worrier or a stresser if it is not dealt with accordingly or you don’t have the right support in your life.
To be perfectly honest, some days I’m just exhausted from trying to act stronger than I am and sometimes I feel so numb with no sense of what is going on, and other days it is as if i am feeling every emotion at once. The overwhelming feeling of everything at once is very empowering and you do lose control. But it’s about learning how to deal with it which I have been over the last year of my life, with the help of work, and very supportive friends. Everyone’s mental health is different, but what is important is how you deal with other people’s state of mind. Nothing in this world brings me up, more than my friends but nothing will bring a person down quite like not being there to make them feel secure. You never know how you will be thinking one day from the next, and your anxiety may affect you one day, but with the right attitude it will not affect you for the rest of your life.
For me now, I’m in a good place. Moving out has been stressful as fuck, but everyone’s got to do it .You learn, grow and adapt to things like this in life and it helps with other situations. I hope I haven’t rambled on too much and its given an insight into knowing it does happen and no one is alone in this. Don’t hesitate to give me a shout if you have any questions for this blog post.
Thank you for taking the time to read my side of things,
Lots of love,