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Here comes the anxiety…

08/08/2018

Today was a very adult day.

A day of discussing pensions (I’m only 21 lol) and permanent jobs (which I am only in a temporary one currently) and just general adult stuff.

The trouble with these kind of conversations is that yes they are good for your future and yes it creates security but also…what the fuck??? NO!

No meaning, NO I don’t want to hear it, NO I don’t want to be thinking that far ahead and NO why is there so much pressure to have my entire life figured out, while the government continue to take tax from my hard-earned wage and I run a constant circle behind them.

So yeah, it was fair to say those conversations started the heart racing, the mind running and most importantly the feels. All these conversations were part of a meeting held about the department I’m in going through a review, and while reading my little Powerpoint, I could feel it coming. It was as if I was waiting for that little tap on the shoulder, like “Hey Soph, I’m here, ready to have yourself a little panic? it’ll be SO MUCH FUN!”

The thing with anxiety is, in the general scheme of things its not that harmful, it just makes me cry a little. But in reality, it scares me, I get scared of getting anxious, and as soon as I sense that I feel anxious, it scares me to get more anxious?? UGH
This conversation of adult life terrified me into feeling this and thus beginning the cycle of the heart racing, the mind running, and the inability to sit still. My worst habit with my anxiety is once its there I can’t control it and I wait for it to get worse rather than controlling it. So in order to deal with the ever dooming adult life my head was running. Through forests, over hills, along a river and i didnt stop. I just kept running, like that scene in forest gump where he goes until he gets bored. In reality i was sat there staring into the abyss of the meeting room, accepting that this is life and all it has to offer and theres not alot i can do (except cry sometimes)…

Lots of love,

Sophiemagsx

 

 

  • Reply
    Little Mayfly
    08/08/2018 at 8:59 pm

    💙

  • Reply
    Hunida
    08/08/2018 at 10:02 pm

    *hugs* ♡ I get the same way, when I know I’m having anxiety, it just keeps getting worse.

  • Reply
    andshedidblog
    09/08/2018 at 1:55 am

    Totally related when you said that you get scared of getting anxious…it’s like, you know it’s coming but you’re never prepared for it. It’s such a frustrating cycle.

  • Reply
    crescentmoonramblings
    09/08/2018 at 2:52 am

    Oh honey. I’m waaaay older than you and the thought of becoming an adult still scares me. I have been avoiding it for a long time. There are days when I just can’t adult.

    You’ll be fine. Getting older isn’t all bad. Sometimes the biggest shock comes when I look in the mirror and am reminded that I’m a certain age because I still feel young at heart. I agree though, all the financial, taxation and retirement planning and all that guff is overwhelming.

    My anxiety keeps me awake at night, makes me less patient with others and causes me to really dislike myself. I find now that to move is good. So I actually walk in the forest, along the river, by the ocean. To move my body helps my head clam down.

    I feel for you and thank you for sharing.

    • Reply
      hopelesswonderer
      09/08/2018 at 7:26 am

      it’s reassuring that you’re still worrying about being an adult if you’re older 😂😂 i think it’s just a case of being this age and not knowing what’s gonna happen ya know?? i’ve heard keeping moving is good for you so i’ll have to keep practising that! i’m sorry it keeps you awake at night i normally put on music if i can’t sleep!x

  • Reply
    chloeburford
    13/08/2018 at 7:43 am

    Being an adult is so so scary. I hate when people mention to me about pensions, taxes and things like that because I haven’t got a bloody clue!! You’re doing great though girl, and I think we all feel like this sometimes! xx

    • Reply
      hopelesswonderer
      13/08/2018 at 7:54 am

      yea exactly, it gets in my head too much, thanks Chlo!xxx

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