Today is like any other day in reality. Wake up, work, walk the dog, spend time with friends. Nothings really changed over the weekend to have enhanced my desire to run as far away as possible. But it is an impending mood today.
If I look at my life currently, everything is going very swimmingly. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by the strongest women and the best-est of friends I could ask for, and work is going super well currently. So i guess you could argue I’m not allowed to feel anxious or sad today.
But in reality my brain is rattling with endless thoughts. I should be doing better, bigger and better. Better at being a friend, better at being an adult and more importantly better at being a bigger version of myself metaphorically and physically.
It doesn’t matter how well life could be going for me, I will always doubt myself. Although i am one to leave the past in the past it hasn’t helped to have had an impact on present me, and the constant thought of not being good enough. Constantly trying to be okay is hard work, because just when it is all comfortable I am waiting for the next wave of shit to strike.
Today’s mood is heavy with anti social-ness and the lack of confidence. Tomorrow will be a new day and a new mood, but I can’t help feel weakened every time a day like this stops by.
Lots of love,