I wanted to have a little chat with you all today, kinda update you as to whats been going on in my life. Two years ago in January, I moved out of my parents house and bought myself a studio flat. It was a little old, small and untouched, but over the last two years I have transformed it into my cosy cabin. I have painted and decorated, filled it with plants galore, and brought a little fluffy room mate, all to make this place my home. That is exactly what it has felt like, not just a place to sleep but my home.
Well excitingly I will be hopefully moving (as soon as I actually find somewhere I like) and with the prospect of a new beginning I am looking forward to doing it all over again somewhere else.
When you first move out, its hard, you have to box up your entire life and fill a whole new bigger space, its expensive, terrifying and stressful. However it is worth it, because you get to have your own space and do whatever the heck you like.
Now I am looking at doing it all over again, but by buying my second place, you would think I would be over joyed. I am, in 90% of the ways. I will have a garden, I will have an actual bedroom, proper heating, and I won’t be stuck in a little town filled with everyone I know constantly hounding you. There is still 10% of me that every time I have a conversation about moving with some form of professional adult whether that be the estate agent, mortgage advisor or my parents, that as soon as they leave I cry. I cry because it is all so overwhelming and I don’t really understand any of it, but also because what the hell did I do to deserve this luck , and since when have I been successful enough to get all of this?? Seriously, I haven’t really done anything major in life, and I have been let down quite a few times, and despite being surrounded by all this good news and exciting opportunity I want to run away and not live anywhere but go and save all the koalas in Australia. Because change is terrifying. This is not the kind of change you repair over night.
I’m blabbering but essentially I am supposed to be two years into my so called adult lifestyle and despite moving out once, it is just as scary the second time. No amount of “it will be fine” will repair this feeling. Its hard at any stage, but most importantly, you never have to go through any of this alone.
If you did read all of this, thanks for your time. Sometimes its just easier to write then it is to explain. It is all going to be great and next year is going to be fantastic but I am allowed to get worried about all these things aren’t I!
Lots of love,
From the very overwhelmed adult,